This just in from Geoff Berner:
Dear Everybody,
I have been asked by my Government to write the Official Theme Song for the 2010 Vancouver Whistler Olympic Games, and the title is "Official Theme Song For the 2010 Vancouver Whistler Olympic Games (The Dead Children Were Worth It!)" It's here, it's ready, it's free to download from my website, www.geoffberner.com
It was recorded, arranged and produced by the brilliant Wayne Adams, who also played the drums and everything else except for accordion and lead vocals.
I'm hoping that it will become a popular song worldwide, to celebrate this wonderfully, incredibly, incredibly expensive event. Perhaps children everywhere will sing this song at school assemblies. I've included the lyrics to the song, below, for those who wish to sing along.
But some of you may be wondering how I, a youngish punk klezmer accordion player, would be chosen among all the famous Canadian Musicians, to write the theme for this International Event.
Well, it's an interesting story.
Our Leader, The Premier of British Columbia, the Right Honourable Gordon Campbell, visited my house on New Year's Day 2008. He actually drove right INTO my house. Well, onto my lawn, anyway.
"Geoff Berner!" he shouted, his speech somewhat slurred. "I looooove yer tunes, man!"
I invited him onto my front porch, where he had a couple of (very large) martinis, and explained that he had tried out many, many other well-known Canadian musicians and songwriters for the Olympic Theme Song job (Bryan Adams, Ron Sexsmith, Celine Dion, the DayGlo Abortions, etc.) and none of them had satisfied him.
"Geoff, we need a song here that will really let the world know about our priorities here in B.C. We want them to understand what we value, and just as importantly, what we don't give a tinker's damn about [his words]."
"It's important, when people are enjoying the Olympics on TV, for them to understand how much taxpayer money we blew on this whole wing-ding. And to pay for the bill, we had to cut a bunch of stuff. Knowhuttuhmean?"
Well, sure I did. They closed courthouses, kicked the mentally ill off welfare, got rid of ambulance service in small towns, let homelessness more than double in Vancouver, illegally tore up all the government workers' contracts, and a bunch of other stuff.
But my favourite has always been their decision to elminate the office that investigates the deaths of children in BC. A 4 million dollar savings!
Take the case of Austin Martel, from the CTV news website:
"In 1998, Eduarda Martel's newborn son Austin died in hospital. He passed away weeks after he was born of complications from an infection. Martel says she soon began hearing of other infection cases.
In all, 47 babies were infected, some of whom died. She contacted the Children's Commission in Victoria, and was told they'd investigate Austin's death. Four years later, in 2002, she received a letter saying the
Children's Commission had been shut down, effectively canceling the investigation into her son's death.
'I have no paperwork, no letter stating how far they had gotten on the case, what they had found out, if there was an end result, or if it was still in limbo,' Martel told CTV News."
Or another good one among many:
"The case of Sherry Charlie, who the child welfare authorities knew was being abused by her great uncle but did nothing- she was killed, and in
the four months it took the police to investigate, the brother stayed with the killer."
"Meanwhile, the government has been pressuring doctors to take their 'best guess' at cause of death. In a complaint letter from the BC medical association, A Nanaimo-area doctor says she refused to sign 3
death certificates after she was denied autopsies for her patients. Dr. Patty Mark says she could not determine the cause of death for the patients. And the Coroner's service asked her to give her best guess. When she refused to sign the death certificates, the investigating coroner signed them instead."
Because autopsies are Quite Expensive. Not exactly C.S.I., is it? Well, luge courses are Quite Expensive too!
So Gordo and I woodshedded a few ideas out on the porch for a while, and after a few false starts, we came up with the song below. The music isn't my usual klezmer stuff--it's in the style of a military marching band, so that nations everywhere from the U.S. to North Korea will be able to understand it:
Official Theme Song For the 2010 Vancouver Whistler Olympic Games (The Dead Children Were Worth It!)
British Columbia is super proud
To sing this welcome song,
For these wonderful winter olympic games
We've awaited for so long.
All you terrific foreign visitors,
We're so glad that you're here,
For our 8 billion dollar 2 week party
That we're putting on this year.
Of course the credit goes to the government;
When they approved the 8 billion bucks,
They cost cut out the office that
investigates childrens' deaths.
The Dead, Dead Children Were Worth it (rpt 3)
The Vancouver Whistler Olympic Games
In a suburban warehouse somewhere sits
All seven hundred files,
And frankly we still have no idea
How any of them died.
So let's sing a song of welcoming
But first give thanks and shout Hooray!
For those sad little lifeless bodies
Who got us here today.
The Dead, Dead Children Were Worth it (rpt 3)
The Vancouver Whistler Olympic Games
We're having such a lovely time,
We've forgotten all their names,
But the weather's getting warmer
As we play our little games,
And as we sing our anthem one more time,
Perhaps the cameras will show
The little babies' corpses
Rising up from the melting snow.
The Dead, Dead Children Were Worth it (rpt 3)
The Vancouver Whistler Olympic Games
Well, there you go! Download away. Sing it in whatever key you like, and here`s a hint for the chords: Whichever chord you`re on, it`s either 1, 4, or 5. That`s folk music, kids!
Yours,
Geoff
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
